You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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