I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize