Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
