he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
