he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
