You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
