Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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