Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
