I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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