Sponge bath it is.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize