She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
