I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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