I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
