just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
