well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
