Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
