True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
