I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
