i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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