is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
