to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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