I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
