But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
