You made me cry and you don't even care
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
