it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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