My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
