Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
