If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
