CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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