Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
