moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
