My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If its not for food we ain't going out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
