i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
