final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize