I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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