I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
