Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize