I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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