I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
