i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
