and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
