Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
