There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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