maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
