We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
