i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
