matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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