Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
