i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize