i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
