Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
