the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
