So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
