The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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