you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
