im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
