Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
