Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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