There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
