I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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