dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
