It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
