ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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