But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
