I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
